Much as the good people at Hallmark try to persuade me otherwise, I don't find Valentine's Day romantic. If someone's giving you a gift because they have to it's just lacking in a certain feeling. I'd rather get surprised by a bunch of flowers any other day of the year…just because someone wanted to give me flowers…MUCH nicer.

If I did celebrate though, nothing would say V-Day more than a copy of "A Date with John Waters". On one of the kitsch-est of holidays, don't we all need a little extra kitsch? Songs include "Sometimes I Wish I Had a Gun" by Mink Stole and "I'd Love to Take Orders from You" by Mildred Bailey.